and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
