Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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