I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
