So drunk, too bad you don't want this
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
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