it was like his penis was on wheels.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I think my moral compass just broke
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
