Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
