i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
