Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
