My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
