you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
