So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Randomize
