bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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