I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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