I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
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