Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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