Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Randomize
