Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
He called his prostate his "boner button".
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
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