after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
