And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
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