I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
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