The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
i need some magic done to my vagina
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
