god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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