I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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