i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
The feeling are messing with the penis
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
