i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
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I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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