Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
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