Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Randomize
