You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
