FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Randomize
