Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
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