I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Randomize
