i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
