We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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