She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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