Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
