Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
