Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
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