I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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