remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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