I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
if only i could text you this smell
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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