Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
