I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
You dont lie about slip and slides
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Bring me that man meat
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
