I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
