We named our party play list daddy issues
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
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He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
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I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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