he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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