So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I'm too high and old for this...
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
