Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Ambien. No doubt about it.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Randomize
