Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Randomize
