It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
