Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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