Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
