Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Randomize
