Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Randomize
