Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
