May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
