well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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