I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
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She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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