yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
