You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
so much tequila, so little girl.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Randomize
