but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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