If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
