i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Randomize
