I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
