dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
