I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
