dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
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