honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
