atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
tequila makes me forget i have legs
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
