his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
