i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
