i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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