She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
